I gotta get better friends.
I'm more than happy to write in this fucker every day, but I have to admit that I'm going to get quite boring. I'll even admit an incredible amount of envy I have for a certain other white meat and his amazing writing style, artistic abilities, and rapier-like wit.
Granted, my wit, on any given occasion can be sharp like a razor, and quick, like a bolt of lightning... No shit. It's just, anymore that those moments are few and far between. I've come to figure out that I'm not surrounding myself with enough smart people. Oh sure, the friends that I have as well as the Girl, are all very intelligent people. But, they don't make me think when I'm talking to them. I have absolutely no fear that, if I misspeak, I'll be made complete fun of. Hell, even if I say something remotely retarded, in a situation that I would be all over myself, most of the folks I hang with leave well enough alone. Too bad. It'd be nice to get seriously fucked with. Not like that, pervert.
Wow, do I sound conceited. Believe me, I'm not trying to say that I'm so much smarter than the gorilla-like creature next to me in the lockerroom... well, yeah, actually I am, but I'm definitely not saying that I don't love to get a few beers with said creature. My beer-swilling pals are the salt of the Earth, whatever the fuck that means. I think it means they're good folks, but stupid. I'm not sure, but I do know that I very much enjoy a spirited conversation about anal sex, forechecking schemes, and why the Avs are out of the playoffs so early this year, but it'd be fucking great if I wasn't always "Asshole of the evening".
I got one buddy that actively pursues this coveted award every time we go out, but the extent of his intellect and the role it plays in this pursuit is limited to calling me a "FuckAss" and pissing on my feet. Sandals, no less. I showed him though, they were his sandals. Bless the heart of my other buddy (another rocket surgeon) when he thought it may help my feet not feel so wet if he kicked dirt on them. Muddy piss feet. Pretty much a guarantee that by giving me muddy piss feet, you've more than earned "Asshole of the evening".
I gotta get better friends.
Posted by JuddHole
This blog was the one that changed everything in my life, so it stands to reason that it continue to do so. I hope it starts with my underwear.Curiosity Slowing?
Yep, so, new to this diary bit, I'm simply going to share a fairly simple thought. More like a rant, I suppose. The phrase "curiosity slowing" has me a bit baffled. I spent 25 fucking minutes yesterday on I-70 going approximately 458 feet. This is a rough estimate, but, I believe pretty accurate as I had the time to think about it. So, as I entered the ramp to ensuing doom, I heard the perky traffic reporter chime in "70 is closed at 6th causing backups and curiosity slowing on the Westbound lanes."
I'm a bit pissed as this means I'm going to be late for my hockey game, but, I was going to be early anyway and I refuse to let myself get distracted (you know, mental preparation and all that shit).
Oh, so I start thinking about this phrase "curiosity slowing" and thinking about what it means. It basically means that your life is so fucking pathetic that you actually pause, nay... slow down, BRAKE, in order to see just what it is going on, on the other fucking side of the Interstate. It was construction, by the way, I'm assuming this anyway as this was a scheduled closure.
So I'm trying my best to think about this calmly and rationally without being a complete cynical asshole. I must be really fucking bad at that because I'm still stuck with the recurring thought of "What the ever-lovin fuck is wrong with you rubber-necking mongoloid shitwads that you have to step on your fucking brake in order to see the (possible) carnage on the other side of the fucking road?"
Yeah, so that's still the only thought I could come up with, even after I tried not to think like a cynical asshole.
Alright, so I got me a new one. How about reasons such as:
Flashing lights mesmerize me.
I thought it might be someone I know (so you could point and laugh, I'm assuming as there's not much more you can do from across an interstate).
There was nothing but Salsa on the radio.
I'm a drooling moron.
Most of my traffic questions are all basically answered the same way. People are fucking stupid. This may sound pretty bad as some probably thinks that I mean people are fucking stupid... except me.
Not true. Not that I consider myself stupid, but, as far as meaningless traffic shit goes (cutting someone off, veering into another lane, snoozing through a green light, etc.) I figure, at one point or another, we're all the asshole. It's like the rainforests, the Ozone, or baby seals, I figure. At some point, like it or not, on purpose or not, we're all the asshole to someone else.
Guess the trick is to say "Joke 'em if they can't take a fuck". Sorry, I'm part redneck, it's hard to shake.