A Love Story.
A simple, rural, mountain, town is where an intelligent, soulful boy spends the first part of his life. His home gradually expands from the basement where he sleeps into multiple ranch dwellings and assorted dinner tables. His family extends from more than his distant blood-relatives to include those that love him, even if they only showed him by feeding him the occasional meal.
His yearning for more from life leads him to college in a distant state, in a place that is as different from his home as he could imagine. He thought that this was what he wanted, but his continued yearning for more from life leads him back to a mountainous state, to a place that he felt he could find what he needed. With little to his name, he carved out an education, a career, and a life, yet the yearning never left him.
He was always, always, looking for more.
He muddled through his adult years and their accompanying dramas until he finally conceded that his looking and yearning should either be completely over or given their inherent due.
His soul simply couldn't rest.
Mistakes were made and lessons were learned. As per usual in his life, nothing came to him the easy way. He continued on though, and never let up.
Then, he found it.
A city, and it's assorted semi-rural outcroppings, is where a deeply thoughtful girl is raised. She finds as much beauty and magic in parts of her life as unprovoked hurt and pain exerts itself into it. She takes what life offers her, in it's beauty and it's ugliness, and she accepts it all.
She feels the same yearning though, the same absence, and she looks for more in everything she does.
Her early adult life continues to provide her with more duress than any one person should ever have to even be aware of. She continues looking and yearning, though she is somewhat unaware of it, thinking her soul asleep and placated by the life that she has struggled through.
Her soul hears something though, and it responds, at first unknowingly.
She hesitates to listen, for her life has taught her that her yearning was to be unfulfilled and her looking to be futile. Again, mistakes were made and lessons were learned.
Then, she found it.
Two people, who couldn't be from more distant parts of the world, find that they couldn't be more similar. From one end to the other of every spectrum imaginable, they are completely compatible. They are completely in love.
They meet in person and, for the first time in either of their lives, they are made whole.
The yearning and looking is over.
They are complete.
They are real.
And the World will never be the same.
The Eternal Celebrant, Charlie Brown, informs us that we're married for REAL.
We debated on the appropriateness of HotTongueAction, but Porn-stylings had to wait 'til later that night... (wink, wink)
The rings even have their own story... and they're purty and matchin' and all...
We had to get a little inappropriate groping in before Charlie Brown got back with the official licensy thing.
Then we were told to look like we were all in love and stuff...
noooooo problem.
We fuck around... as we do.
Yeah, my wife is the hottest woman EVER. Seriously, EVER.
Posted by JuddHole
This blog was the one that changed everything in my life, so it stands to reason that it continue to do so. I hope it starts with my underwear.I'm Back, Married, and Drunk off my ass.
Before I sat down to write this I had any manner of formats in mind. They ranged from \"decidedly romantical\" to \"overwhelmingly bummerical.\"
To be honest, I'm way too fucking drunk to even comprehend any difference between the two.
My last plane landed hours ago and I've spent that mean time talking to the (ex)Girl, with whom my relationship has blossomed back into that comfortable friendship that we've always had, and my Wife, who misses me like I miss her, which is to say that we both need the other like a plant needs sunlight... only like... 80 bazillion times more so.
I had to get on another fucking plane and leave my wife, again.
This Shit is Fucking Brutal.
I don't know how to put it other than that.
I'm also very drunk. My best friend Shithead, who's the older brother of the (ex)Girl, left me several ShitBeers in my fridge while the (ex)Girl graciously took care of the house (and it's ensuing sale, YAY!), and I am eternally grateful, for copious amounts of alcohol are all that I can rely upon right now to dull the Pain.
I don't have the words to describe the fact that Nothing is Right when I'm away from her, and that my reality is dulled by the realization that my Life consists of a series of events that I must dutifully put up with until I can be with her again...
Permanently.
This Shit Fucking Sucks.
I've leaked fluid from my eyes at random moments throughout my 27-hour long trip across the Globe.
She's cried twice as much for my absence in our home and in her life.
In light of this, I give you happy images, moments that can't even come close to capturing the love and happiness that is felt, but instead is a vain attempt at capturing the only peace and light that I can currently cling to.
I stare at them for hours on end, remembering, cherishing, grasping at the memories... before I quietly pass out in my empty bed, thousands of miles from where I truly belong.
Look at him... seriously... LOOK.
Have you ever seen him look that happy?
I have to look at him every goddam day in the mirror, and I've never seen anything resembling this before.
Husband and Wife.
For Real... For Life.
BatGirl's 30th birthday party, which she unknowingly invited me to over a year ago, is now surrounded in circumstances which I never would have comprehended, nor believed at the time.
YES, I am a fucking Goob, and the woman pictured loves me like Nothing else in this World.
Sweet Jeezus, I'm outta beer.
Could I feel any worse right now? I suppose I could be... *gasp* SOBER...
*SIGH* I miss you, my wife.
I'll be back soon with SuperHappyFunShit, I promise.
Posted by JuddHole
This blog was the one that changed everything in my life, so it stands to reason that it continue to do so. I hope it starts with my underwear.Oz is Simply Dreamy.
The wheels of life keep turning and I'd accepted the fact that I'd done my share of gear-tweaking and cog-fiddling when I first fell in love with, and decided I needed to be with, WifeToBe.
Our ensuing planning of a life together had some major obstacles involved though, things like a migration visa, the sale of my house, and a home for Asshead all made themselves known as very rough patches of some very BIG LifeWheels. Not to mention the incredible depression and absence felt by not being with The One person that truly makes you feel completely whole and real.
Well, Life absolutely couldn't get any better than this. If it does, I'm fairly certain that it would involve maybe a little less rain or guided tours of the Sweet Nectar Ale of Universal Awesomeness Brewery... with unlimited free samples.
Assorted folks that read both me and WifeToBe know that she has two kids, and have written comments and/or emails asking me about how I feel about this.Personally, I love kids and they love me. The Mom refers to me as the Pied Piper at any social gathering, weddingy-type thing, because most of the children glom on to me at some point and only reluctantly let go when pried off my legs.
I don't know that I was ever really ready, but I've always wanted kids and not just for the fact that I get to play with their toys either. Seriously though, I'm fairly certain that D, the 4-year old boy, is in dire need of as many BitchinBadAssenest Radio-Controlled vehicles as possible. G, the 2-year old girl, could also use about 57 different kinds of Play-Doh sets and other assorted MessyAssCraftyPretty Art stuff. That aspect of my personality was absolutely bouncing with the prospect of \"fatherhood.\"
What I wasn't necessarily prepared for was the actual Paternal feelings swelling up so damn strongly. Especially when, after a mere 3 seconds of eye contact, G smiles warmly and says to me, \"You're my daddy.\" I should mention that NOBODY has told her to say or even to think this, let alone cajoled her or prodded her in any way. She came up with the concept completely on her own, and we bonded instantly. D, with his wary little eyes and somewhat suspicious nature, told me a few hours later that he loved me and that, when monsters came in his dreams, he was going to dream of me so that I could chase them away. We both love Spiderman and Batman and we bonded quite fully over his X-Men coloring book.
We played with toys, we ran around, and I got to act like both a child and a parent. WOW. As with just about every single other aspect of my relationship with WifeToBe, Reality far, far exceeded any possible wonderful expectation I could have had. And I don't exactly aim low when I'm shooting for Happiness either folks, that says a lot. A fucking ShitLoad.
I've quite simply, never been this Happy in my entire Life, and I have someone with me on this path in the exact same spot.
The (ex)Girl has been graciously watching the house for me while I've been gone, and AssHead and her former ChewToy, Dingbat, have apparently been getting along. Relaxation is such a gift when others help with it so readily, so I was completely unprepared for the first of the Giant Bumpy Cogs of Life to chunk its way on by...We sold the house.
I read (ex)Girl's email, I squealed, I ran into WifeToBe's shower and kissed her beautiful wet soapiness, and then did an abbreviated version of the Happy Dance.
Two more Cogs to go.
Visa
Asshead.
I've needed it, I've received it, I appreciate it, so I'm asking for it again...
Wish me Luck.
Posted by JuddHole
This blog was the one that changed everything in my life, so it stands to reason that it continue to do so. I hope it starts with my underwear.Phase I of Judd Becomes An Aussie is Set.
I am a 6'2\", 200-lb., ball of emotions right now. While they are all of the \"good\" variety, the intervals at which they flare up and die down can be a bit exhausting.
She is my whole Life.
She's seen my scratch myself, put up with me when I'm Stinky, heard my obnoxious laugh, and heard me sob like a child. She's seen me Angry, Hurt, and Bitter. She's seen me Elated, Truly Happy, and Completely in Love. She knows me better than I know myself.
And she Loves me with all that she is.
For the first time ever, I feel my Life is truly beginning tomorrow when I get on that plane and travel to a place that will eventually be my Home.
To say that I've never done anything like this is highly interesting in the context of the fact that those that know me seem to have always figured that I would, or could.
I'm Happy, for the first time in my life, I'm truly Happy, and it's only going to get better.
Life... whooboy, Life is a tough one sometimes, but it is a-changin', and I've never been more eager or excited for that change.
The mandatory \"Harassment\" meetings at work this week meant some simple things to me at first, basically involving a free lunch and the opportunity to nap while being walked through a PowerPoint slide presentation on seemingly obvious shit.
Only upon looking at the provided notes to the meeting did I realize what a walking Law Suit that I am.
\"Fuck,\" I said loudly to a co-worker next to me, \"I've done at least half the shit on this fuckin' list!\"
He attempted to allay my fears by telling me that he'd most certainly done the other half, but I was sincerely worried at that point.
I'd almost expected the meetings to educate me in some of the finer aspects of all the shit I do or say at work that is regarded as highly inappropriate, but I promptly fell asleep and missed the first two hours.
I woke up just in time for the pizza to be delivered to our offices, and then spent the next hour making juvenile and immature comments under my breath, eliciting snickers from my surrounding co-workers and most certainly lowering my standing with management, who were also nearby.
The apex of my childish antics was reached when the presenter, a lawyer who routinely represents companies in defense of harassment suits, launched into a spiel about \"tort laws,\" and I'd lowered my comedic talents enough to actually say out loud, \"Yeah, I had a Cherry one a them for breakfast.\"
By the time the meetings ended, and most of the IT department was dicking around about \"I find that offensive\" or \"I'm being harassed by this\" I realized that my Short-Timer status meant that I could get away with just about anything at this point, and I took full advantage.
I'd pretty much assumed that, if I hadn't been fired for most of the shit that I currently pull at work, I certainly wouldn't be NOW. However, telling one of the Senior Developers to \"get her sweet ass over to my cube\" or explaining to one of my bosses that I have a neurological defect causing my middle finger to be raised when being informed of Poor Work Performance, may have been a bit much.
This is compounded by the assorted nicknames that I have for most of my co-workers. I'm a hockey player, we do this by nature, so I thought nothing of taking someone's last name of \"Schmitt\" and turning it into \"Schmitty\" and eventually, \"Shitty Schmitty,\" or referring to the two Indian women I work with as P.I.G.'s. I felt like I'd explained myself enough by stating that it stood for Pretty Indian Girls, but in light of the meetings and the new awareness of MyCompany's Harassment Policy, I started to wonder when the other shoe would drop.
When an important project has hit our desks, I've openly threatened the life of a co-worker if it wasn't completely successful. I refer to my immediate boss, CoWorkerBuddy, as \"AssMonkey\" routinely, and I've told the only female developer in our division that the reason she couldn't figure out a certain piece of code was because she's \"just a dumb girl.\" I've repeatedly punched the Head of the Q/A department in the kidneys after she's caught a large oversight in my work, and when being questioned seriously about a highly important project, I've shot VPGuy in the chest with a Nerf Dart.
For chrissakes, I mooned the head of our Business Intelligence division at our last golf outing.
I should be so fucking fired.
I found out after the meetings that the Higher-Ups were strongly considering canning my ass upon hearing the news of my departure for Australia because I had the potential to be a \"liability\" and BossGuy, whom I'd been casually displaying my neurologically defected middle finger to all day, was the only reason they hadn't. He'd gone to bat for me in the biggest way, and I felt like a bit of an asshole for flipping him off and peppering his office window with a fully automatic Nerf Dart Gun.
All in all, the meetings seemed to try and say, \"Don't be an Asshole and, if you are, make sure you're at least funny to Everyone involved.\"
I work with good people, Thank Dog, and they're gonna miss me. Shit, they already are.
I'll probably be updating from Oz, but it may be a while.
I'd like to give special Thanks to all the wonderful, thoughtful, souls that have emailed me words of encouragement lately, I really, really appreciate it, even that dude that sent me pictures of the Australian snake eating a kangaroo.
Oh, and thanks to Rue for the beer and the good times the other night, TruckerBoy and I got along famously, and it was much good times.
Best of luck too, to Pedro and Jenna, entwined in their own Long Distance Intraweb Love Affair. Two of my favoritest people hooking up... makes Judd very happy. Much like my good friend of the Swine variety (who'll be presiding over our Montana-based nuptials), and the Canuck and the Brit* in sweltering Houston, Love Abounds and, when you think about it, making Judd happy is really all that matters. Keep that in mind folks. Heh.
*I still don't know if you guys are \"public\" with it yet, so no linky goodness.
Packing clothes that I won't wear until I'm living there and writing out instructions for the feeding and care of Asshead and her finned-friends awaits me tonight so I will update later, from my new home.
Wish me Luck.
Posted by JuddHole
This blog was the one that changed everything in my life, so it stands to reason that it continue to do so. I hope it starts with my underwear.Next Time, More Ammunition and Less Beer.
I've never been one to deny my roots. No matter how far I'm moving away, I'll never forget where I come from and the people that helped mold me into who I am today.
And we are indeed something else. Hicks, Rednecks, White Trash... none of them can really accurately capture it as well as \"Montanans\" does.
I used to wonder what it was about me that made people at work roll their eyes and walk away shaking their heads, or make the guys on the hockey team laugh shortly and stare at me incredulously, or what it was that made people at parties wave their hands in front of my face and scream, \"TMI! TMI!\"
\"It's important to the story,\" I would think, \"how could it be Too Much Information? Everybody does it.\"
After spending an entire weekend with people that never judge me for my outrageous comments and more often than not make their own before I can, I now realize that it's not my fault that I'm like this, it's just how we are, and I love them for it.
We also drink a fuckload of beer, chew tobacky, and shoot stuff.
I ditched work early Friday and picked up The (ex)Girl's brother, Shithead, up in Loveland, and we headed North 8 hours to our Home for our buddy's wedding. We got in late, put away a few beers and crashed on AdoptedBrother's couch and floor, only to be awakened the next morning by AB bellowing at his 4-year old that he was indeed allowed to go wake us up.
Fed and Coffeed, we loaded up the menfolk of the wedding party in the truck and went to local Wal-Mart. Try as you might, there is absolutely NO denying that you are rednecks when you've got a shopping cart full to the top with nothing but Bud Light, Clay Pigeons, and 12 gauge shotgun shells... with a 4-year old in his boots and spurs sitting on top of all of it.
CheckoutGirl was impressed, \"you guys got a fun day planned...\"
\"Yep,\" we beamed proudly, \"we got us a Weddin later!\"
When we were about halfway through the 600 rounds of ammo we'd had and, coincidentally enough, half the beer as well, I told the boys that WifeToBe had barely believed me when I'd told her that morning that we were heading up into the hills to shoot us some clays. I'd described to her the throwing contraptions that we used and the shotguns that we'd be bringing while bragging about the copious amounts of beer we'd be drinking before she'd quietly said, \"people really DO that kind of thing? Honey... when we go to Montana together... can I go shooting too?\"
Goddam, I love that woman.
This Saturday, I head back to my future home in Perth. Excited doesn't even begin to touch it. Parting from her last time felt like my Heart was a piece of meat, literally being ripped like a midget in a Lion's mouth. Being with her is Right, and nothing's been even close since I had to leave her.
I'm ready to be whole again.
On that SappyAssSuckahFoo note, \"being whole once again\" is going to be helped along greatly by That Which Makes the World Go Round.
Naw, I already gots me plenny o' Love. I'm talkin' CASH baby, cash.
So, do me a favor, ignore that the site isn't spruced up and is still out-of-the-box, and buy some of my shit at CafePress.
Or, if you live in the Denver Metro Area, buy my fishtanks.
Hell, if you live close, make me a goddam offer on this fuckin' house. Please. I'm getting a bit discouraged, and my Realtor had to promise me an Open House while I'm in Oz because I kept whimpering and sobbing on the phone.
Asshead is still up for FREE too, and she's hardly bitten anyone in the last... what time is it?
I'm not done whoring myself out either. As part of the whole \"Help JuddHole Get Down Under\" campaign, be on the lookout for such exciting auctions like \"Kilt Peek for a Dollah\" and \"Bet I can pee for longer than you (whether it's on my own shoes or not isn't important).\" I even do Bar Mitzvahs folks.