ERRWWWW… ERW… Why is that sticky stuff? Don’t answer that.
The keys have been returned, the lease is done, our responsibilities... over.
Bah, only part of the above is true. The Final Inspection (sounds serious as a testical malfunction doesn't it?) is tomorrow, and if anything is wrong, say the house is still the dump that it was when moved into for instance, then we get a chance to fix it, otherwise we get our keyesh back.
An hour-and-a-half search of our new house for our old house's keys yielded nothing more than a couple of throbbing headaches, some colorful swearing ("Pigshitting bugfucker" was my favorite), and my forearms coated in the past three weeks worth of garbage. I DID find that damn remote though, and it wasn't wedged in my asscheeks like it sometimes can be.
RealEstateLady was terribly nice and understanding about the missing keys though. She didn't swear at me or demand I drop my pants and march around the office with one thumb in my mouth and the other in mah bum, and as soon as I come dangerously close to causing Shaken Baby Syndrome, one of the kids should cough up the whereabouts of said keys so that we can avoid any further hassles.
Though I wasn't there to see the state of the old house when Wife moved in, I can only imagine what just a few young, shiftless, weed-smokin blokes can do to a place when one of 'em owns the joint, especially when it wasn't even cleaned before they dipped out.
Heh heh... "joint"... I kill me.
Washing the walls in the kid's room was taken on by Wife, and I didn't envy her the task at all, though I got to spend a day or so at that madcap carnival-like place... The Kitchen O' Unidentifiable Scum.
I shouldn't bitch, I mean Wife cleaned the bathroom and toilet too (they're in different rooms here, like rich people's bedrooms 'n shit), but the tedium of scrubbing made my mind a bit wonky as well as reminding me that certain groups of muscles in my forearms haven't been used since... well, since I moved out here.
Married Life has been good to Judd... REAL good.
I used to think that I was a thorough enough cleaner that I could even have viable employment doing such, but the revelation that I may have been scrubbing a bit too hard when the stain got bigger instead of smaller while coating the sponge in paint chips, was enough to tell me that I should probably use a bit more of my mental processes on the task at hand.
I felt like I had reasonable amounts of logic behind this though, as I was working on a surface, previously unused by any of us, that was coated in something that could only have been created when all of the ants that were surely eating it simultaneously ejaculated onto it before igniting it, as well as themselves.
You know, like that monk during that war, except without the massive amounts of insect semen or that slimy/greasy/sugary base.
I won't go into detail concerning the unrecognizable substances Wife cleaned off the walls of OtherBroInLaw's temporary room, but I'll make a brief reference to a previous surface's description and let your li'l minds run apeshit wild with that.
Yummy.
The old house wasn't really that bad, it's probably nasty only in comparison to how Fuckin' Sweet this house is. The kids love it, though the constant shuttling from FuckinSweetHouse to CrazyCatLady's while we clean the old place has taken its toll on both their behavioral patterns and hygiene.
CatLady's place is layered in... well, cat hair, and the kids receive treats from her, of much stickiness in nature, that create a veneer on their little bodies leaving me wondering if all 73 cats took turns licking and/or urinating on both of our children until some sort of ownership agreement was reached.
As for their behavior, I'm chalking it all up to the up-and-downedness of our days, though I just took a break from writing this to ask my boy if his voice had recently changed.
"Um... no?"
"Did you just start High School? Are you learning to drive?"
"Nooooo... noooo..."
"Are you growing hair in specific places?" I asked while making him lift up his arms to show his pits and causing raucous giggles, "are you dating girls?"
"HAHA! NO Daddy!"
"Then you're NOT a teenager yet, so please stop with the attitude."
The kids saw this, and asked Wife loudly, "Are those Gehls?!?" while gesturing to the astoundingly handsome gentlemen in the Tartans of RawWannaHaveSexualCongressWith.
My shower was then promptly interrupted, once again, with a little blonde head and the question of, "Daddy? Are you famous?"
My reply was a resounding, "Yes" and concerned something along the lines of being nekkid underneath loose fabric with the King of all Blogs, Pigmeat WeatherPhenomenon himself.
This reply was quickly clarified that we weren't nekkid together in a vain attempt to clear up her incredibly confused countenance.
I gotta get some locks on these doors.
Gotta run, fishsticks are in the oven, our DirtKids desperately need a bath (ignore the hissing sound as I lower them in), and Wife is in dire need of consoling after she found out that the word she made up, "tardagain" isn't as original as she thought.
"Tard-Again."
"Re-Tard."
Go ahead and Google it. Unless we can prove that dude tapped into her brainwaves, she's not the first to come up with this feat of funninessitude.
And by "dire need of consoling" I mean, "once the kids are in bed it's NekkidHole time."
Pictures of Kindy BBQ
Our boy Damon goes to an Aboriginal Kindergarten, or Kindy (as Aussies shorten almost EVERYTHING), and it's relocating to the main Brookman campus. The old location was a couple blocks from our old house, and the new location is just a few blocks from our new house, so that works quite awesomely.
Last week was the Farewell Barbecue, and though we usually get to see the boy in his element every morning when we drop him off, we finally got to see him playing and playing and playing with all his little friends.
![]() |
![]() |
|
I got my first taste of roo sausage right after the boy chowed on his. |
![]() |
|
The kindy is mostly aboriginal but is incredibly multicultural too. The biggest kid in his class is Yassir, who is Muslim and barely speaks any English, and the littlest is Damon's bestest little friend Ace, who is Aboriginal and also barely speaks any English. The teacher's tell us that Acey and Yassir play wonderfully though they don't really share the language. Surely testament to power of Play. |
![]() |
|
Withdrawn and painfully shy, Acey barely went to anybody but his Aboriginal teacher Merinda when we first met him. Now, whenever he sees either me or Jo, he shrieks and flings himself at us happily and he loves Damon. |
![]() |
|
Little Michelle is a sweetheart and frequently hangs with me and Dames when I read him a book after dropping him off. We're fairly certain that she's in love with Damon, but she's a little too full-on for him and can be overwhelming. Besides, his heart belongs to Kerry-Anne we're told. |
![]() |
|
The three of them in the Sand Boat. |
![]() |
|
Damon's class has no shortage of little Hams, because it was absolutley zero trouble to get those little monkeys to line up for a photo. Left to Right: Nada, who's mum wears one of those Muslim-chick robes that look like curtains and cover all of their skin and never, ever talks to us; Michelle, who's mum looks about 80 though is probably 35 and is probably her grandmum; Yassir, who's little brother is even cuter if that's possible; Simon, who's mum recently posed for the centerfold in Crank Addict Monthly and is kind of a little monster; Brian, who's as OCKER as they come and says things like, "Oy Mate! I know yew!"; Dames; Zachary, who has a penchant for pulling on other's undies and who's mum is awesome and stays in the mornings to read to any kid willing to sit; Acey, communicating to others with his grunts and squeals; Jackson, who belongs to Merinda and is reportedly quite a bully to our boy. |
![]() |
|
Same group, posing and being all hammy, but with the Love of Dame's Life on the end, little Kerry-Anne, who is also quite shy but very cute. We reckon we got the best looking boy and he picked the best looking girl in class for his affections. |
![]() |
|
Me and Jo being all proud-parenty and cute. |
![]() |
|
Again, frighteningly easy to get them all gathered for photos, though difficult to get them to stay there. A few of the more shy kids even made it over for the whole class to be gathered. |
![]() |
|
They gathered happily at the end of the deal. It's awesome when Mrs. O (Deb O'Malley, Damon's head teacher) shouts an order and all the kids snap straight TO like good little soldiers. |
![]() |
|
Mrs. O had each of the kids pose in Santa Hats for maximum cuteness and then made little X-mas cards for us. |
![]() |
|
These two get along like best buds and are so damn cute together. |
Last Day at Kindy, Pics and Videos.
Few more videos, same drill as last time. Click "Load Movie," wait for the first frame to appear, then wait a little longer if you're on crapass dialup like we are (but only for a few more days!). Lemme know iffin anyy'all have trubbles...
A few shots and some videos from us just hanging out on the back patio. It's been unseasonably cold, so that's mostly why the kids are rugged up in their little coats. The coats also function as Inspector Gadget and Penny costumes, so they serve dual functions.
![]() |
|
She proudly pedals the trike, but only after stealing it from her brother. |
![]() |
|
They were doing this for a while, playing so happily and cutely, until I got the camera of course. It took a bit of coaxing to get them back into the spirit. |
|
codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,0,0" WIDTH="320" HEIGHT="280" id="judd_movie1" ALIGN=""> TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" PLUGINSPAGE="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"> |
|
They pedal happily for but a minute... |
|
codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,0,0" WIDTH="320" HEIGHT="280" id="judd_movie2" ALIGN=""> TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" PLUGINSPAGE="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"> |
|
Then Georgia decides to do her own thing, as she very, very often does... much to Damon's displeasure. |
|
codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,0,0" WIDTH="320" HEIGHT="280" id="judd_movie3" ALIGN=""> TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" PLUGINSPAGE="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"> |
|
Since they're both wearing their go-go-gadget outfits, I try to get 'em to sing the song, unsuccessfully. |
|
codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,0,0" WIDTH="320" HEIGHT="280" id="judd_movie4" ALIGN=""> TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" PLUGINSPAGE="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"> |
|
Dames loves to do the Go-Go-Gadget Copter. |
|
codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,0,0" WIDTH="320" HEIGHT="280" id="judd_movie5" ALIGN=""> TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" PLUGINSPAGE="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"> |
|
But Go-Go-Gadget Airbag is my favorite. I haven't seen the movie, but I'm guessing that the clumsy Inspector Gadget tries to use his airbag to protect himself but ends up flying all over the place. Regardless, it makes me cackle with laughter every time. |
|
codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,0,0" WIDTH="320" HEIGHT="280" id="judd_movie6" ALIGN=""> TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" PLUGINSPAGE="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"> |
|
This is just my silly girl running in circles. She's like a puppy sometimes, when she just goes and goes and goes and then drops from exhaustion. |
|
The last day of Kindy not only meant the last day of the term for the kids, but also the closing of that location forever. It was kind of sad, and Mrs. O's voice cracked a bit, but there was a Bouncy Castle for the kiddies and all the parents brought stuff for a Pot Luck lunch, PLUS a special visitor that Ho-Ho-Ho's (and I don't mean Bourbon Street Style either). |
![]() |
|
Jo and I conferred, and we've decided that we've definitely got the best looking kids in the World, if not at least Damon's kindy. They're sitting and waiting patiently for the Special Guest to arrive. |
![]() |
|
A friend of Mrs. O's does this every year, but she says he doesn't get around very well anymore and is getting WAY up there in the years, so I don't imagine he's got many more left. The Pie could barely wait to get up there for her turn yet looked fairly nonplussed while up there and couldn't wait to wiggle free. |
![]() |
|
Little Acey squealed happily while receiving his present. |
![]() |
|
Damon had a cold and even missed the first part of the day, so he was pretty subdued for most of the Santa Time. He did make it a point to go over and hug and talk with Santa a bit before he left though. |
![]() ![]() ![]() |
|
Haha, Mommy poses happily with child, doesn't know that I'm still taking photos, then asks me if I am in an only-slightly-annoyed way. |
![]() |
|
Our boy proudly presents to Mommy all the stuff he's been working on all term, with help from Mrs. O. |
|
codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,0,0" WIDTH="320" HEIGHT="280" id="judd_movie7" ALIGN=""> TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" PLUGINSPAGE="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"> |
|
Mrs. O was introducing Santa and telling the kids a few important things, yet our little girl isn't normally a part of the group, as she doesn't go to school yet (though she'd LOVE to), so she doesn't necessarily heed the instructions as well as the others. |
|
codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,0,0" WIDTH="320" HEIGHT="280" id="judd_movie8" ALIGN=""> TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" PLUGINSPAGE="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"> |
|
"Twinkle, twinkle, little star. My dad drives a smelly car..." Which I do, when we borrow my father-in-law's car, Bob, it smokes and smells quite foul. The kids love that song, though at first I didn't believe Damon when he told me that his teacher taught it to him. Heh. |






















