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I just don't have it.

May 21, 2005
Filed under:Bitchin

How fucking lame am I that I didn’t even notice it’d been a Full Fucking Year’s worth of JuddHole The Blog until I read Jenna’s diary?

She and I are a Year Old together, yay.

So… Jeezus, where to begin? I figure that, after a year, I can hit that point of just random, meaningless, brain-vomiting and pass it off as an entry. I mean Really… why am I so concerned about writing something worth a shit when I’ve continually proven that I don’t do this near as often as I think I need to?

If I could pinpoint one year of my entire fucking life that had more momentous changes, emotional and physical highs and lows, new adventures, nipple-tweaking, and spiritual growth, than this one, then I… what?

Oh, right. I was just seeing if you were listening. The \”nipple tweaking\” year was back in Junior High, and it scarred me for life. Let’s never talk about that ever again.

A year ago, the other day… I read an email about something that was ass-achingly funny, and I clicked on the link. Needless to say, I fell in love.

*cough* YEAH, with the idea of blogging and being funny and having panties ‘n shit thrown at me… *cough* NOT with D-bag.

OUR love would have to wait.

I started telling stupid stories, got linked by said D-bag, Fuck Knows Why, and the panty-throwing began.

Awesome.

I learned to write for the catharsis, and expelled some pretty fucked-up shit from my brain into the online world. It felt good, I got great feedback, and it set some things in motion.

I documented some more fucked-up shit, and left a lot out too.

I \”met,\” made friends with, and fell in love with the woman I’m going to marry.

Life is Good.

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Fuck, that wasn’t much of a re-cap, was it? But hey, it’s all out there, you wanna know all the details, you can go read it. I didn’t go through it all here because I’m fucking lazy.

Honestly, and it’s rare that I’m this honest in here, but I’m fucking depressed. I have almost zero motivation in my life to do anything other than breathe in and out during the day, and spend all my time with WifeToBe at night. Getting a visa, selling this house, and staying alive are hardly noble motivations in the context of Living Life, I’ll admit, but they all lead me to Her.

To say that she is the most important thing in my life would be selling her terribly short.

She is the One Thing I’ve been needing for my entire life, and I am hers. To have found that, and then part from it… well Yeah, it gets depressing. We’re closer now than I’ve ever witnessed from two people being, yet we’re 10,000 miles apart.

\”This is good,\” I hear myself saying, \”that you can do this across such a distance.\”

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t Suck. It does.

So… this is Me, dealing with Suckage, and missing my wife.

I’ll do my best to write in here when inspired, but inspiration isn’t here right now, and obviously hasn’t been for a while.

Fuck, to see that written out makes me want to apologize for being such a Fucking PoopyPants… but it’s there, and I won’t pretend it’s not.

I told Pimp to look out for me updating less frequently, and he reminded me that the last time I said that, I came back with a vengeance.

Well, here’s hoping, eh?

Wish me luck.

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