Real Man’s BBQ
This is too good not to share:
http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290380235400#description
And read the questions too:
http://contact.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ShowAllQuestions&ShowASQAlways=1&frm=284&iid=290380235400&ssPageName=PageAskSellerQuestion_VI&redirect=0&requested=s700s (mine's the one that starts with "I've already got a BBQ...")
The best part about this is not only is this guy an absolute legend, this thing is ridiculously cheap, but he's right down the highway from us.
You better believe I'm bidding on that bugger. If for no other reason than to meet this guy. Simply awesome.
Posted by JuddHole
This blog was the one that changed everything in my life, so it stands to reason that it continue to do so. I hope it starts with my underwear.Real Man’s BBQ
This is too good not to share:
http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290380235400#description
And read the questions too:
http://contact.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ShowAllQuestions&ShowASQAlways=1&frm=284&iid=290380235400&ssPageName=PageAskSellerQuestion_VI&redirect=0&requested=s700s (mine's the one that starts with "I've already got a BBQ...")
The best part about this is not only is this guy an absolute legend, this thing is ridiculously cheap, but he's right down the highway from us.
You better believe I'm bidding on that fucker. If for no other reason than to meet this guy. Simply awesome.
Posted by JuddHole
This blog was the one that changed everything in my life, so it stands to reason that it continue to do so. I hope it starts with my underwear.Some things are just too excellent not to pass on.
SPAM is still a dirty word, particularly when I have to virtually run a business via email, but with assorted blockers and fighters, filters and assassins, I've found myself almost missing the offers of a longer lasting thingo and almost any pharmaceuticals I could imagine.
So, when I got an email from "Sprotiv" I decided to save it for a rainy day. When I got another one from "Colon Cleanse" a day or so later, I realised it was sprinkling a bit, so here you go.
From: Sprotiv
Subject: Everything for terrorism on www.sprotiv.org
Body: Drugs (cocaine, heroin), missile (made in Russia), C4 explosive, children`s organs, and much more!
Best child porno on the netSee Free Porno Pictures, Free Porn Videos, Hot Porno Movies in Daily Updated Porn Galleries. ... Hot Virtual Sex Game! Get a realistic pussy today
When I first woke up in the morning and blearily squinted in disbelief at the small child insisting that I "wake up and cook me bottle na milk" I had no idea that my dream where I was a coked-out arms dealer specialising in blowing up really small kidneys could come true. Especially the part where I was a sullen and skulking boyfriend of Pink. No, that part wasn't in the email from Sprotiv, but I just figured that tied in really well with "get a realistic pussy today" because of how Pink got her name.
Even though it's days later, I'm still reeling over the idea that someone is attempting to sell me such a wide variety of items and honestly thinks that they'll hook a sucker with offerings of small people's body parts. Is it a multi-pronged sales attack? Is that what I'm missing here?
They're thinking, "First we'll get his attention with the terrorism thing, he's a good American (even if he's not) and will want to do his part. Patriotism! Protection! Then drugs, because he'll recognise cocaine and heroin and they're an obvious next step, and we follow it up straightaway with missiles! I mean c'mon... MISSILES. C4 he'll know because he saw Die Hard and will undoubtedly want in on some of that. He may be intimidated by MISSILES, they're just for cool points, the C4 is a win right there."
"Children's organs? Hmmm... Well we figured that, by now he's mentally panting for some action and we needed to bring him back to reality. Because in reality you can't just blow up a building full of automatic-weapon-wielding German bank robbers, but you DO need to deal with the fact that little Billy is already 43rd on the waiting list for a new lung. We figure he's already hot to spend some cash, I mean c'mon... MISSILES, so we aim for his kids and make him feel guilty for being so selfish, especially with Christmas coming up."
"Best child porno? Another reality slap. See, we've hooked him for young William's soft tissue, now we further drive home the point that he's a real sonuvabitch by taking his excitement over MISSILES and health solutions and rolling them onto kiddie porn. We're wearing him out now, so to tenderise him a bit more, we smack him over the head with FREE PORN. Those words have lost some shine in recent years, but he's prime for it now and we intend to use it to the fullest extent. Galleries! Virtual Sex Games! Holy shit man, after several reality checks right in a row, you're painfully aware that it doesn't fucking get better than this!"
"And that's when we bring it all home baby... and we hand him the keys to the castle. A realistic pussy. It all comes full circle if you think about it... we've hit his testosterone fantasies, his inner Bruce Willis, his heart, his testes and now... now we go for the full on reality check. We're going to promise him relief almost instantly. He CAN have a realistic pussy today. The only thing his hand is reaching for faster than his junk is his credit card. SCORE."
After that email, the one titled, "Clean your colon" was too much. I couldn't buy "Wold #1 super food" fast enough.
Think about it. Not only am I fighting terrorism, getting really fucking high, blowing shit up from a distance AND up close and personal, saving my sick yardape, watching FREE PORN and feeling disgusted by it too, ALL of which while fucking a piece of plastic that gives way less attitude than my wife... but I get to clean my colon too?
Best. Email. Day. Ever.
Posted by JuddHole
This blog was the one that changed everything in my life, so it stands to reason that it continue to do so. I hope it starts with my underwear.Geetar.
Before I even thought of purchasing one, I knew it would be years before I could successfully play anything recognisable as an actual song on the guitar. I bought a cheap acoustic off eBay, and thought think it needs seriously tuned before it can sound like anything other than a cheap acoustic. I bought an expensive (for me bitches) electric off eBay for cheap and it sounds pretty fucking cool.
That's right, I've found a way to be pretty fucking cool.
That was after several beers too, just keep that in mind.
Thus far, I've successfully played, from start to finish, where you can recognise them as an actual song:
- Opportunity - Pete Murray
- Iggle Piggle Song - Some Fuckwit
- Hazy Shade of Winter - Simon & Garfunkel
- Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers
- Stand By Me - Ben E. King
Now I'm utilising Google for a lesson in frustration on "how to make a guitar make the surfer sound". Finding nothing, hence the frustration.
So, the real reason I'm actually even posting this fine Sunday evening is because I wanted to brag that I played a whole song already (after roughly 6 weeks of geetar ownership) and tell you how fucking cool I am now (shoosh, repetition makes it more true), and to also make the exact phrase, "how to make a guitar make the surfer sound", show up in Google's search results in a few days.
Oh, and to say that I like building things and dressing up like I'm somebody from history and fighting with swords. Yeah, I know you probably knew that, but saying it out loud is part of the steps.
Smoochiebabies.
Go hug someone you love because deep inside they want to be a rock star because they think that would impress you.
Posted by JuddHole
This blog was the one that changed everything in my life, so it stands to reason that it continue to do so. I hope it starts with my underwear.Google Fucks Up “First Day of Fall”
My first thought upon opening up my interwebs and beginning work this morning was "Hey, the Very Hungry Caterpillar! Awesome!" Thinking that it was some sort of tribute to the author or the book or something, I rolled over the "Google" image, as you do, to see what the story is.
"First Day of Fall - Design by Eric Carle" it says. Being that The Googs cleverly provides a link via the image directly to a search related to their wacky logo stylings, I click through to the search result.
"Something isn't quite right here" thought I when I first saw the word "Fall" instead of "Autumn". I soldiered on to each of the results pages and was astounded.
Every single Top 10 result is US-centric, or at least focused on the Northern Hemisphere. Every. Single. One.
Which is fine, don't get me wrong... if you're in the Northern Hemisphere.
Now is when I get a bit pissy at The Googs and want to start thumping some heads.
For starters, here in Australia, they simply don't call it "Fall", it's "Autumn" and nothing else. Also, it's the first day of March, not the 21st.
IT IS NOT SIMPLY AMERICA UPSIDE-DOWN YOU RIDICULOUS FUCKING TWATS. Changing the wording for an image that's obviously meant to symbolise Spring on the wrong fucking day tells roughly 25 million people that you don't give a fuck about their actual culture.
I wouldn't have said a thing if this were simply on their normal US-centric homepage, but to put it on the country-specific websites is inviting someone like me to call you "ridiculous fucking twats".
Wanna hear the kicker? They at least got the naming right for the kiwis but still got the date wrong.
On the part of my passion for my adopted home, it may certainly be a case of "small man syndrome" of which I am well familiar having outgrown my 5'6" father by the age of 13, it is also definitely a case of "a pat on the head turned really insulting" by highly visible representatives of my atrociously arrogant former home. Fuckheads.
Too bad my entire business depends on 'em. Flah.